It's closing in... 8days left! :o excited and nervous at the same time! xD I really hope to get everything down until I leave, a specially selling everything or preserving it somewhere! Selling it would be the best though. I have a blown up bed in case I need one! :D haha! Prepared! :P So packing my life up is almost complete. Bags are done, now it's the boxes left. *Puh!

My personal statement

The reason that I want to go these courses I have applied for is because I want to do something for myself. I've been caring all my life about the people in my life so much that these people now have stopped me to say that I can't continuing to forget about myself anymore. I'm 25 years old, turning 26 this fall. The feeling of being 'too old' for the music industry have crossed my mind a couple of times, the toughest feeling though has been that I don't want to live my life looking back regretting not trying to go after my own dreams. When I need someone I always turn to music. When I listen to music I feel understood. I get my feelings out through the lyrics I hear and the ones I write down myself.  Music is my healing. The first time I turned to music I cant really remember since I've done it since day one. I've always been singing and dancing. The first time I felt my dream for real, the fire burning inside for how badly I wanted it, was when I saw Beyoncé for the fist time in Destiny's child on MTV. I can't remember the year but since that day my passion for music and being a performer has only grown to an even bigger wish for making this my own accomplishment. The most common time when I listen and dream away to music is when I'm on the bus. Music up on full volume and imagine how I would act on stage making the best performance ever. The first time I told myself that it's my time to go after my dreams and goals in life was for two years ago. It happens so much in life in so short time, however my passion and love for this profession only grows bigger for every minute of the day. I've had the opportunity to work with events building up the stages, the preparations for the musicians and the safety that is needed when having festivals/concerts. With the experience of being behind the stage preparing everything for a festival I've got the knowledge of how to build a stage, the importance of the fences around the area and even the tents for shelter of the weather or for food stands. With the experience of being on the stage I've got the knowledge of the importance of the lights, the sounds and even the look of the positions of the band. With the experience of being in front of the stage I've got the knowledge of the importance of safety, not just for the musicians but also for the crowd visiting the festival. With all this amazing experiences it has given me a lot more tools and knowledge about the industry then I knew even existed three years ago. This is something I have been around since I was around six years old, performing and making shows. I'm no longer satisfied with watching other people perform as a person of the crowd. It may have taken me some years to grow the courage to apply for this massive dream I have, but I have always been ready to take this step and make my dream an everyday life. I am amazing when I work with music, I love to express myself through lyrics and voice, I am actually quite good at it and I love to see others be as creative as me. I can have my moments when I don't feel good at what I do because of the reason that I listen to someone other then myself that is great. But this gives me an perspective of not just music but of the massive industry of amazing people I get so inspired by. I am very driven, might be a bit perfectionist but I always finish what I start. This is going to be scary, no doubt, but this is what I dream of and I have a way to big fire inside to just ignore it like it isn't there. I have no idea of how hard competition it is to get in on BIMM but I can imagine that there are many talented people trying to go there. I can only continue dreaming away for this journey to start 'til the day I get the result of being accepted or not. I want this so bad, I can't really explain it to well. I can however tell you and promise you that you wont regretting having me as one of your students. The motivation for this trip is beyond words.

Yours sincerely,

Ceciliah Karlsson

Hi blog!
Been busy lately planing my last couple of weeks in school and at home for England and selling stuff. I also btw hihi(!) tattooed myself yesterday! :D well I didn't make the tattoo on myself, a tattoo artist did hehe :P made a other placement then I thought I was going to take when I came there so feeling a little nervous for the tattoo at the moment, cause I don't do last minute tattoos! But it feels good and I really love it, so fingers crossed that this one will be as amazing as my other two! ^^ Feeling very pleased with it so, that's a good start! :D

So back to life haha! The weeks are planed and are counting down for every second of the day. Scary but oh so looking forward for this trip and journey! I'm am so so excited about this. I haven't been able to update you on my application for the BIMM school! OMG I'm so sorry! It was so hard but I made my personal statement really good and feel like my letter is a good piece and you can really feel my passion and get a feel of who I am. So feeling proud of that, now it's just the wait for the answer. Fingers crossed! <3

Now I'm off for dinner, feeling super hungry for the moment so need some energy! ;D
I'll make a update later on again!

Secondly will be lots of photos of the central of Amsterdam! Enjoy! ^^

And of course(!!!) the famous and so cool Red light district! I got to visit it both day and night and it was really cool!

Even saw this cute statue that was placed all over the center with different paintings on them. Some thing for UNICEF :)

And this was for the Anne Frank museum, so amazing. This is the only picture I have because of the no pictures rule! ^^

And last... the cool treehouse in the back of the hostel! XD 

So I'm back now in Sweden, met some really cool people and was so not ready to go home to Sweden...! So ready for England haha :P and in case you are wondering about the 'friend'..? Yeah no I don't call him by friend anymore. 

So first I'm going to show you the inside of my room in the Hostel, the name of the Hostel was WOW and it was kind of cool! ^^
Some art and music was going on and was quite suiting me haha! :D

This was my view from the bed hehe :P the two doors where a bathroom and a shower. 

So... where is this you wonder? This is Amsterdam, Holland! As usually I have forgotten to update the blog being wrapped up in stress, but here is what happened. So I have a friend that's from Holland and he wanted me to come over to visit, I thought sure why not, I've never been there and I want to see how he lives. I'm sitting on my plane, feeling a bit nervous, cause this was my first trip ever since I was a kid going with my parents... so kind of a big deal! :P 

So I'm sitting on my plane, waiting for everyone to sit down and for the plane to take off, I get this message on Facebook. So it's my friend telling me that by the way, I'm not going to meet you at the airport or see you during your trip here. Yeah this is seriously what happened. If you never have had panic I think you can kind of imagine me getting some right at this moment. But it wasn't like I could turn around now or sell my trip or anything, so I thought I had to go through with it... I get to the airport in Amsterdam, getting lost during me trying to find my hostel with trains, everything was so crazy and I was not feeling very confident or a specially happy at this 'friend' of mine at this point. Finally I got a cab driving me to the hostel, get inside, check in and go up to my room, talked to some people which I was sharing the room with, took a shower and went to bed. All I could think of at this point was that, "I'm not sure what I will do tomorrow or the other up coming days, but what I do know is that I will try to make it worth it.". Then the next day my adventures started!

Hi blog!
Today is a good day! :)
I'm working on a document with all the things I have to fix and are fixing for my England trip that I thought would be fun to share here on the blog. Currently I've booked an english course in Brighton! :D :D :D WOOOHHHOOO!!! :D :D :D So, 1week of wandering around in Irland, 1week in London and Brighton and then I'm starting the course of english and have it for the next 3months to come! :D So I am going to live there for three month total, right now! ;D 
More about this later when I post everything you need to fix before a move! :) So excited! :D <3

So sorry for the massively long post! 

If you can't find yourself reading through it, then you don't have to. I've had a lot of things happening these couple of weeks, some really crazy shit. I feel better today so I hope this is a progress to continuing that. I don't like being stressed out, having anxiety or feeling tired when I don't really do anything. So fingers crossed!

Hi blog.
Thought I should tell you a little of the background/an explanation of my last two posts. Yes as i wrote, people have let me down. Unfortunately this is people who has done that before and people I care very deeply for. People that are close to you can actually be quite mean. When I'm sad or angry, happy to off course, I like to write it of my chest so I can move on and heal if that's needed. I take everything that happens to me, good or bad as an learning experience. I strive to be happy, smile and make others be and feel the same. So when people drag me down to low even I need to take a moment and put my fot down. I never put names in my texts because I know who their for, I'm not that kind of person that will throw people under the bus. I don't like liers or people who like putting up a face for the crowd. I've never appreciate people who do this. It's human to be upset, to be in an argument with yes even the people you love (actually it's most likely them), to be angry and not being okey. You don't have to take it out on others though but why does people hide this? I've always looked up to people that take care of the situation right away and not shushing it away and then don't talk about it. That's not a way of learning and growing. 
Moving on, some I have argued with, some who just let me down when I needed them and some not respecting me. So, my foot has come down and it's staying down. On top of this I got the most awful and terrifying news I think I've ever got. Last year when I was working on a festival, there was this guy there who wanted to talk. He was a little awkward and stumbling on his words, but clearly nervous because I answered him. He started coming by every night, asking new questions, every time a new question came it was even more personal. When he asked where I lived and if he could come there some time to hang out with me, my bosses pulled me out of there. The next day, on the bus on my way to work, the texting is bombing in on that he was found the night before with weapons on him witch meant he now was a person of threat. So there I sit, freaking out a little on the bus, jump of to go to my location and the first person I see when I walk of the bus... yes, it was him. Luckily he didn't see me and there was three guards/police officers by his side, so I ran to the side and called my friend immediately. I could never ever walk that short way that now felt like forever, alone without anyone by my side, with the possibility for him to just jump up by my side. He was at the busses probably because I think he was hoping to see me jump of my bus so he new which one I was on, for future references. When I came to my location my boss took me to side. Told me about the weapons and that this man was now ported from the festival. I was not allowed to go anywhere without anyone with me, in case this man would come through anyways. Nice feeling huh? The thing was also that I didn't think it was scary that he wanted to talk to me, I was so scared that he would hurt others if he wasn't aloud to see me. So that's what happened then during a couple of days, a week. It's now about a year since this has happened. I'm stressed out at the moment, I get a massive pressure on my chest just talking about this because this has become even worse now. A cupel of days ago this man kidnaped, raped and tried to kill a girl in his apartment. She lived in the same house as he, for 4years, but the other day he decided to take it way over the line. I don't think I've ever felt this amount of panic before in my life as the panic I gained when I read this post. Saw his picture. What if... it's because of me, he has gone this far? I feel so terrible for this girl and girls, because yes there has apparently been more then one. This man is sick. You don't fors something a person don't want on them! Like euw! That is so grows to even think that it would be in your favor. I am not feeling very comfortable at the moment, even though there is a trial going on with him as we speak. It's way more worse for the women he has went of on, but I really feel terrible about the possibility that it could be because I didn't talk or see him. Even my boss feels awful about this, he feels it's his fault this has happened (with him following me around) because he took me in. Yet I don't see it that way. Absolutely not! I've never loved a place as that place. And it wasn't because we where in different citys, but because I was with people who are amazing. I love those guys and I would never take any shit, even stuff like this to make me not wanna come and work with them. I don't think I've ever trusted anyone as hard as I for some reason does with these guys... This work, is one, is THE one work I've loved and never got tired of. Even when I've been sick I haven't wanted to stay home to rest. Even guys like this one would stop me from coming to work. It's part of the job, even though it gives you the creeps! Yes I feel anxious at the moment 'bout this but I'll get over it. I've learned even more out of this experience, even though it scare the shit out of me. I've been through this shit many times in my life, being scared, so I know how to move on. That's why I wrote those two posts, letting you know I had a bad day. It cached up with me.

Fucking feelings and people letting you down...

I’ve been told to stay away. To be quiet and not speak up if something isn’t right. To keep my story quiet. But why should I? Why should I not be welcome to stay?  Why is it I who has to leave? Why should I keep quiet in a matter I don’t agree? Why, should I not tell my story? I’m supposed to think of everyone else except myself. Why? Why do I have to keep my pain inside just because they may be mad? Then why the fuck have they been acting like this until now? I am not the fault or the reason why others act like they choose. If you don’t want people to tell their story, then don’t be a part of it. Memories don’t go away. They build up people to become who they are. Why they are as they are. I’m tired of forgiving everyone and end up with the shit anyways. What does this shit really give me, except for a tired mind and heart? They’re sure not memories of an accident that made you learn and see how other forgive and forget. No. I forgive and forget, leaving this shit with another scar. Fuck this. Why trust or talk to anyone when it just end up being a disappointment?  Scars on scars packing up. Maybe the heart end up to be hard as a stone? I’m leaving this place. Wont promise I’ll say goodbye. Cause I believe I’ve been a bit to nice at this point. I’m out.

Guess what? I've made a decision. A BIG one...! :D I, Ceciliah, will move to England this summer! :D Yes I am! This is not a maybe or anything, this is a definitely yes. I've booked the tickets for going there this June-July for holiday, visiting schools and looking for some jobs. The ticket for home is a none post date yet cause if I get a job while I'm there, why go back to Sweden? No. So it's going to happen! :D I'm so excited! XD I'm a bit nervous yes, I mean, it's lots of planing before, selling stuff etc. A lot is going to be fixed before going there and then when that is all done you have some more stuff to be fixed in England. But you know what? It will be worth it! I've been wanting to go for so long now, I can't wait any longer! There is really no reason why I should wait since I don't really have anything in Sweden. Plus this is my dream, why dream it when I can actually live it? So, I am in the process right now of going through the school applying. I've applied for first, my dream school in Brighton, BIMM a music school with the first course to be vocals. I've applied for more courses also cause I really want to work with music and this school seems to be amazing! Other then my dream school hehe, I'm also in the process of applying to a english course. Why not make my english even more perfect while I'm there? So, first thing is in action, the school search. Then planing for the move is on too, I've made a list of what to do before, like the apartment, furniture etc what to do with. After everything you can plan in Sweden is done I'm going to England to do the research on sight. Not just look around everywhere and enjoy England, but also talk to the people there. I feel that would be the best! And while doing that, I'll probably make some new friends! Then what will be left to do is bank numbers, etc etc. I have made my homework on everything that is needed to do, I'm just a bit lazy about writing them down for you right now since there all in my head running around. I can absolutely have my England planing being post for you guys, I know myself like to read how others have made their dreams come true so why not share this. 

I do want to share that, I can't get my head of the fact that I feel so strong that this move will make me feel so much happier. This is my opportunity, doors will open and adventures will arrive! I feel closer to everything that I wish to be closer and my life feels like it's going somewhere. I won't be stuck in Sweden feeling miserable but happy. There's nothing left for me in Sweden, there never was anything for me here. I've always felt that I was in the wrong place. I've never belonged here. Just running around in circles with no point, no going anywhere. I sure have met some amazing people down the road though. Witch I'm happy to have in my life, or in some cases that have taught me a lesson or helped me even though there not in my life anymore. They probably don't think that I feel that way but I do. I'm very thankful for all the people who have passed by my life. Thanks to them, I am who I am. Some people you might not have wanted to lose but, you learn and you heal. I really do wish them well, and some people I even stil love. (Because how can you stop loving someone who has been so special for you?) 

So... with happiness in my heart, I'm planing my way to the dreams! Opportunities are on it's way. Gorgeous english accents are in it's way! Haha! xD I sure am practicing my british accent! ;D I think this will be good. God let you met people for a reason. Beautiful people leave an impact on the heart. Love you Felicia <3 So ready for this. Need to make a schedule for my blogging post haha! XD (the one that I'm so good at now) Well, I'll write to you soon! Happy Easter! ^^

So.We. - Sleep Talk ft. Ceciliah Croona

Please do listen to this cause it's my voice!!! :D

Hello blog!

Here comes the pictures of some parts of the apartment, there are a few things left but I will explain what it is beside of the pictures! ^^ 

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Starting with a selfie ^^ I thought I looked really beautiful so I wanted to share it and let Instagram, Facebook and the blog world to see it and get inspired themselves! I really felt like a superstar!

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Now look at my bedroom, like OH MY GOD!!! IT'S SO GORGEOUS!!! :'''( I love my room so much I can't even say! I love going to sleep and waking up in there. It's not completely finished but the way it is right now is amazing and I love it! <3

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Look at my chandelier! OH. MY. GOD!!! And my pretty rack with my dresses(sighs inloved <3), my own made picture with people and pictures that inspire me! My beautiful glas lamps on my nightstands!

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This is the wall I look at laying in my bed, the wall that's not completely done. In the stand I have makeup, nail polish and bed clothing hehe... Just normal stuff. (I've painted the table/stand/bureau to this gorgeous dark brown) On top of the stand I'm going to put up two cabins in white, with white gorgeous doors. Under that I wish to put a TV also for the night -morning or -sick moments when you need the TV as company! And as you can see my guitar. :3

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And the last picture of the apartment for now, the livingroom from one angle haha! The sofa, table, my mirror. You can see my chaos-table that I don't like it to be! But also here I'm putting up two cabins with white doors over my desk, so more order is to come! You can see the door to the balcony here also, but behind the camera we have put my barstols. They are prepared for putting up a bar table so we get a little bar station he he...! Mostly because it would be cool and make use of the furniture! XD So there will come some big-ass picture over there and then it's a complete livingroom!

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And last for the day of this blog, this is the current book I'm reading. Been wanting this book for ages, I now own all the series from Lauren Conrads novells and beauty books -so I'm excited to read them all! 

I'm feeling a bit low at the moment, my body has been screaming all day about me chilling down by all the stress I have lately so I'm currently sitting here with a light fever. I either hope it will go away 'til tomorrow or be worse so I actually can work from home with the school work I have, maybe the stress will go away then! So lot's of work to do, lot's of fun things happening and so on, hoping to update you better tomorrow or in the coming days in a blog or video post. I feel a little bad for jumping so in my life-story but sometimes there's no time taking a break. So I'm off to bed! Have a nice day/or sleep tight like myself, and I will update you more soon! Goodnight! <3

Starting with my brainstorming ideas that I drew haha :P 

Sitting and looking at the roommates moving x) I soon have my own bedroom! 🙀 You think I'm excited? #yes 

And yes, do except pictures! 😏☀️

Stylist, Modell, Singer, Dancer, Actor, Teacher, Inspiration, this is things I am. 
This is things I want to be number one at. 

This are the things I love to do. 

This is the things I'm going to do. 

This is how I want to live my life.

 

How do you go after your dreams when the world seems to go against you?

How can you follow your dreams if there is no time between living and making money?

I want my future so bad, yet I don't know how to get there sometimes.

Try to find motivation.

Ask for help from others.

You can do it.

Hello! :3 Wanted to show you my amazing pictures I took today -BECAUSE, yes I think they look pretty and I want to share them with you! I feel, seriously, like a superstar! LOVE IT!!! :D 

The fact that it's looking really gorgeous at home and also starting to feel more as a home is so calming and inspiring. It is really gorgeous. If you feel your home looks good you want to look good as well! I am very satisfied with the look of the home and more is to fix. x) But it's soon all done! :D

I will take some pictures in the future when it is more done and everything is in place! There are some stuff left so I don't want you to see the mess over here he he he...! Cause it is kind of a mess. x) But you kind off see the hallway here :P

I think I look amazing! <3 

Did a pretty gold makeup with orange lips, paired it with these gorgeous earrings and DRESS!!! The dress is bought on Zara, together with a pare of shoes that is amazing with this outfit! This. is. so. gorgeous. #gold <3

I've changed a lot of stuff lately in my life, both physically but also mentally. Lots of new cloths, furniture also actually hehe... But all to feel good, be good and do the things that helps me on the right way -witch is forward! I love it! I feel good and that is the point! Might either record a video on what have happened and my struggle these past year, or write it. Might also do both. But it is something big that would be easier to explain then just say here and there it is hard, so you will get a sum-up!