Hi blog.
Thought I should tell you a little of the background/an explanation of my last two posts. Yes as i wrote, people have let me down. Unfortunately this is people who has done that before and people I care very deeply for. People that are close to you can actually be quite mean. When I'm sad or angry, happy to off course, I like to write it of my chest so I can move on and heal if that's needed. I take everything that happens to me, good or bad as an learning experience. I strive to be happy, smile and make others be and feel the same. So when people drag me down to low even I need to take a moment and put my fot down. I never put names in my texts because I know who their for, I'm not that kind of person that will throw people under the bus. I don't like liers or people who like putting up a face for the crowd. I've never appreciate people who do this. It's human to be upset, to be in an argument with yes even the people you love (actually it's most likely them), to be angry and not being okey. You don't have to take it out on others though but why does people hide this? I've always looked up to people that take care of the situation right away and not shushing it away and then don't talk about it. That's not a way of learning and growing. 
Moving on, some I have argued with, some who just let me down when I needed them and some not respecting me. So, my foot has come down and it's staying down. On top of this I got the most awful and terrifying news I think I've ever got. Last year when I was working on a festival, there was this guy there who wanted to talk. He was a little awkward and stumbling on his words, but clearly nervous because I answered him. He started coming by every night, asking new questions, every time a new question came it was even more personal. When he asked where I lived and if he could come there some time to hang out with me, my bosses pulled me out of there. The next day, on the bus on my way to work, the texting is bombing in on that he was found the night before with weapons on him witch meant he now was a person of threat. So there I sit, freaking out a little on the bus, jump of to go to my location and the first person I see when I walk of the bus... yes, it was him. Luckily he didn't see me and there was three guards/police officers by his side, so I ran to the side and called my friend immediately. I could never ever walk that short way that now felt like forever, alone without anyone by my side, with the possibility for him to just jump up by my side. He was at the busses probably because I think he was hoping to see me jump of my bus so he new which one I was on, for future references. When I came to my location my boss took me to side. Told me about the weapons and that this man was now ported from the festival. I was not allowed to go anywhere without anyone with me, in case this man would come through anyways. Nice feeling huh? The thing was also that I didn't think it was scary that he wanted to talk to me, I was so scared that he would hurt others if he wasn't aloud to see me. So that's what happened then during a couple of days, a week. It's now about a year since this has happened. I'm stressed out at the moment, I get a massive pressure on my chest just talking about this because this has become even worse now. A cupel of days ago this man kidnaped, raped and tried to kill a girl in his apartment. She lived in the same house as he, for 4years, but the other day he decided to take it way over the line. I don't think I've ever felt this amount of panic before in my life as the panic I gained when I read this post. Saw his picture. What if... it's because of me, he has gone this far? I feel so terrible for this girl and girls, because yes there has apparently been more then one. This man is sick. You don't fors something a person don't want on them! Like euw! That is so grows to even think that it would be in your favor. I am not feeling very comfortable at the moment, even though there is a trial going on with him as we speak. It's way more worse for the women he has went of on, but I really feel terrible about the possibility that it could be because I didn't talk or see him. Even my boss feels awful about this, he feels it's his fault this has happened (with him following me around) because he took me in. Yet I don't see it that way. Absolutely not! I've never loved a place as that place. And it wasn't because we where in different citys, but because I was with people who are amazing. I love those guys and I would never take any shit, even stuff like this to make me not wanna come and work with them. I don't think I've ever trusted anyone as hard as I for some reason does with these guys... This work, is one, is THE one work I've loved and never got tired of. Even when I've been sick I haven't wanted to stay home to rest. Even guys like this one would stop me from coming to work. It's part of the job, even though it gives you the creeps! Yes I feel anxious at the moment 'bout this but I'll get over it. I've learned even more out of this experience, even though it scare the shit out of me. I've been through this shit many times in my life, being scared, so I know how to move on. That's why I wrote those two posts, letting you know I had a bad day. It cached up with me.