Hi blog!
Today is a good day! :)
I'm working on a document with all the things I have to fix and are fixing for my England trip that I thought would be fun to share here on the blog. Currently I've booked an english course in Brighton! :D :D :D WOOOHHHOOO!!! :D :D :D So, 1week of wandering around in Irland, 1week in London and Brighton and then I'm starting the course of english and have it for the next 3months to come! :D So I am going to live there for three month total, right now! ;D
More about this later when I post everything you need to fix before a move! :) So excited! :D <3
Thursday, 16 April 2015
Tuesday, 14 April 2015
So sorry for the massively long post!
If you can't find yourself reading through it, then you don't have to. I've had a lot of things happening these couple of weeks, some really crazy shit. I feel better today so I hope this is a progress to continuing that. I don't like being stressed out, having anxiety or feeling tired when I don't really do anything. So fingers crossed!
Hi blog.
Thought I should tell you a little of the background/an explanation of my last two posts. Yes as i wrote, people have let me down. Unfortunately this is people who has done that before and people I care very deeply for. People that are close to you can actually be quite mean. When I'm sad or angry, happy to off course, I like to write it of my chest so I can move on and heal if that's needed. I take everything that happens to me, good or bad as an learning experience. I strive to be happy, smile and make others be and feel the same. So when people drag me down to low even I need to take a moment and put my fot down. I never put names in my texts because I know who their for, I'm not that kind of person that will throw people under the bus. I don't like liers or people who like putting up a face for the crowd. I've never appreciate people who do this. It's human to be upset, to be in an argument with yes even the people you love (actually it's most likely them), to be angry and not being okey. You don't have to take it out on others though but why does people hide this? I've always looked up to people that take care of the situation right away and not shushing it away and then don't talk about it. That's not a way of learning and growing.
Moving on, some I have argued with, some who just let me down when I needed them and some not respecting me. So, my foot has come down and it's staying down. On top of this I got the most awful and terrifying news I think I've ever got. Last year when I was working on a festival, there was this guy there who wanted to talk. He was a little awkward and stumbling on his words, but clearly nervous because I answered him. He started coming by every night, asking new questions, every time a new question came it was even more personal. When he asked where I lived and if he could come there some time to hang out with me, my bosses pulled me out of there. The next day, on the bus on my way to work, the texting is bombing in on that he was found the night before with weapons on him witch meant he now was a person of threat. So there I sit, freaking out a little on the bus, jump of to go to my location and the first person I see when I walk of the bus... yes, it was him. Luckily he didn't see me and there was three guards/police officers by his side, so I ran to the side and called my friend immediately. I could never ever walk that short way that now felt like forever, alone without anyone by my side, with the possibility for him to just jump up by my side. He was at the busses probably because I think he was hoping to see me jump of my bus so he new which one I was on, for future references. When I came to my location my boss took me to side. Told me about the weapons and that this man was now ported from the festival. I was not allowed to go anywhere without anyone with me, in case this man would come through anyways. Nice feeling huh? The thing was also that I didn't think it was scary that he wanted to talk to me, I was so scared that he would hurt others if he wasn't aloud to see me. So that's what happened then during a couple of days, a week. It's now about a year since this has happened. I'm stressed out at the moment, I get a massive pressure on my chest just talking about this because this has become even worse now. A cupel of days ago this man kidnaped, raped and tried to kill a girl in his apartment. She lived in the same house as he, for 4years, but the other day he decided to take it way over the line. I don't think I've ever felt this amount of panic before in my life as the panic I gained when I read this post. Saw his picture. What if... it's because of me, he has gone this far? I feel so terrible for this girl and girls, because yes there has apparently been more then one. This man is sick. You don't fors something a person don't want on them! Like euw! That is so grows to even think that it would be in your favor. I am not feeling very comfortable at the moment, even though there is a trial going on with him as we speak. It's way more worse for the women he has went of on, but I really feel terrible about the possibility that it could be because I didn't talk or see him. Even my boss feels awful about this, he feels it's his fault this has happened (with him following me around) because he took me in. Yet I don't see it that way. Absolutely not! I've never loved a place as that place. And it wasn't because we where in different citys, but because I was with people who are amazing. I love those guys and I would never take any shit, even stuff like this to make me not wanna come and work with them. I don't think I've ever trusted anyone as hard as I for some reason does with these guys... This work, is one, is THE one work I've loved and never got tired of. Even when I've been sick I haven't wanted to stay home to rest. Even guys like this one would stop me from coming to work. It's part of the job, even though it gives you the creeps! Yes I feel anxious at the moment 'bout this but I'll get over it. I've learned even more out of this experience, even though it scare the shit out of me. I've been through this shit many times in my life, being scared, so I know how to move on. That's why I wrote those two posts, letting you know I had a bad day. It cached up with me.
Thought I should tell you a little of the background/an explanation of my last two posts. Yes as i wrote, people have let me down. Unfortunately this is people who has done that before and people I care very deeply for. People that are close to you can actually be quite mean. When I'm sad or angry, happy to off course, I like to write it of my chest so I can move on and heal if that's needed. I take everything that happens to me, good or bad as an learning experience. I strive to be happy, smile and make others be and feel the same. So when people drag me down to low even I need to take a moment and put my fot down. I never put names in my texts because I know who their for, I'm not that kind of person that will throw people under the bus. I don't like liers or people who like putting up a face for the crowd. I've never appreciate people who do this. It's human to be upset, to be in an argument with yes even the people you love (actually it's most likely them), to be angry and not being okey. You don't have to take it out on others though but why does people hide this? I've always looked up to people that take care of the situation right away and not shushing it away and then don't talk about it. That's not a way of learning and growing.
Moving on, some I have argued with, some who just let me down when I needed them and some not respecting me. So, my foot has come down and it's staying down. On top of this I got the most awful and terrifying news I think I've ever got. Last year when I was working on a festival, there was this guy there who wanted to talk. He was a little awkward and stumbling on his words, but clearly nervous because I answered him. He started coming by every night, asking new questions, every time a new question came it was even more personal. When he asked where I lived and if he could come there some time to hang out with me, my bosses pulled me out of there. The next day, on the bus on my way to work, the texting is bombing in on that he was found the night before with weapons on him witch meant he now was a person of threat. So there I sit, freaking out a little on the bus, jump of to go to my location and the first person I see when I walk of the bus... yes, it was him. Luckily he didn't see me and there was three guards/police officers by his side, so I ran to the side and called my friend immediately. I could never ever walk that short way that now felt like forever, alone without anyone by my side, with the possibility for him to just jump up by my side. He was at the busses probably because I think he was hoping to see me jump of my bus so he new which one I was on, for future references. When I came to my location my boss took me to side. Told me about the weapons and that this man was now ported from the festival. I was not allowed to go anywhere without anyone with me, in case this man would come through anyways. Nice feeling huh? The thing was also that I didn't think it was scary that he wanted to talk to me, I was so scared that he would hurt others if he wasn't aloud to see me. So that's what happened then during a couple of days, a week. It's now about a year since this has happened. I'm stressed out at the moment, I get a massive pressure on my chest just talking about this because this has become even worse now. A cupel of days ago this man kidnaped, raped and tried to kill a girl in his apartment. She lived in the same house as he, for 4years, but the other day he decided to take it way over the line. I don't think I've ever felt this amount of panic before in my life as the panic I gained when I read this post. Saw his picture. What if... it's because of me, he has gone this far? I feel so terrible for this girl and girls, because yes there has apparently been more then one. This man is sick. You don't fors something a person don't want on them! Like euw! That is so grows to even think that it would be in your favor. I am not feeling very comfortable at the moment, even though there is a trial going on with him as we speak. It's way more worse for the women he has went of on, but I really feel terrible about the possibility that it could be because I didn't talk or see him. Even my boss feels awful about this, he feels it's his fault this has happened (with him following me around) because he took me in. Yet I don't see it that way. Absolutely not! I've never loved a place as that place. And it wasn't because we where in different citys, but because I was with people who are amazing. I love those guys and I would never take any shit, even stuff like this to make me not wanna come and work with them. I don't think I've ever trusted anyone as hard as I for some reason does with these guys... This work, is one, is THE one work I've loved and never got tired of. Even when I've been sick I haven't wanted to stay home to rest. Even guys like this one would stop me from coming to work. It's part of the job, even though it gives you the creeps! Yes I feel anxious at the moment 'bout this but I'll get over it. I've learned even more out of this experience, even though it scare the shit out of me. I've been through this shit many times in my life, being scared, so I know how to move on. That's why I wrote those two posts, letting you know I had a bad day. It cached up with me.
Friday, 10 April 2015
I’ve been
told to stay away. To be quiet and not speak up if something isn’t right. To
keep my story quiet. But why should
I? Why should I not be welcome to stay? Why
is it I who has to leave? Why should I keep quiet in a matter I don’t agree?
Why, should I not tell my story? I’m supposed to think of everyone else except
myself. Why? Why do I have to keep my pain inside just because they may be mad?
Then why the fuck have they been acting like this until now? I am not the fault
or the reason why others act like they choose. If you don’t want people to tell
their story, then don’t be a part of it. Memories don’t go away. They build up
people to become who they are. Why they are as they are. I’m tired of forgiving
everyone and end up with the shit anyways. What does this shit really give me,
except for a tired mind and heart? They’re sure not memories of an accident that
made you learn and see how other forgive and forget. No. I forgive and forget,
leaving this shit with another scar. Fuck this. Why trust or talk to anyone
when it just end up being a disappointment?
Scars on scars packing up. Maybe the heart end up to be hard as a stone?
I’m leaving this place. Wont promise I’ll say goodbye. Cause I believe I’ve
been a bit to nice at this point. I’m out.
Wednesday, 8 April 2015
Guess what? I've made a decision. A BIG one...! :D I, Ceciliah, will move to England this summer! :D Yes I am! This is not a maybe or anything, this is a definitely yes. I've booked the tickets for going there this June-July for holiday, visiting schools and looking for some jobs. The ticket for home is a none post date yet cause if I get a job while I'm there, why go back to Sweden? No. So it's going to happen! :D I'm so excited! XD I'm a bit nervous yes, I mean, it's lots of planing before, selling stuff etc. A lot is going to be fixed before going there and then when that is all done you have some more stuff to be fixed in England. But you know what? It will be worth it! I've been wanting to go for so long now, I can't wait any longer! There is really no reason why I should wait since I don't really have anything in Sweden. Plus this is my dream, why dream it when I can actually live it? So, I am in the process right now of going through the school applying. I've applied for first, my dream school in Brighton, BIMM a music school with the first course to be vocals. I've applied for more courses also cause I really want to work with music and this school seems to be amazing! Other then my dream school hehe, I'm also in the process of applying to a english course. Why not make my english even more perfect while I'm there? So, first thing is in action, the school search. Then planing for the move is on too, I've made a list of what to do before, like the apartment, furniture etc what to do with. After everything you can plan in Sweden is done I'm going to England to do the research on sight. Not just look around everywhere and enjoy England, but also talk to the people there. I feel that would be the best! And while doing that, I'll probably make some new friends! Then what will be left to do is bank numbers, etc etc. I have made my homework on everything that is needed to do, I'm just a bit lazy about writing them down for you right now since there all in my head running around. I can absolutely have my England planing being post for you guys, I know myself like to read how others have made their dreams come true so why not share this.
I do want to share that, I can't get my head of the fact that I feel so strong that this move will make me feel so much happier. This is my opportunity, doors will open and adventures will arrive! I feel closer to everything that I wish to be closer and my life feels like it's going somewhere. I won't be stuck in Sweden feeling miserable but happy. There's nothing left for me in Sweden, there never was anything for me here. I've always felt that I was in the wrong place. I've never belonged here. Just running around in circles with no point, no going anywhere. I sure have met some amazing people down the road though. Witch I'm happy to have in my life, or in some cases that have taught me a lesson or helped me even though there not in my life anymore. They probably don't think that I feel that way but I do. I'm very thankful for all the people who have passed by my life. Thanks to them, I am who I am. Some people you might not have wanted to lose but, you learn and you heal. I really do wish them well, and some people I even stil love. (Because how can you stop loving someone who has been so special for you?)
So... with happiness in my heart, I'm planing my way to the dreams! Opportunities are on it's way. Gorgeous english accents are in it's way! Haha! xD I sure am practicing my british accent! ;D I think this will be good. God let you met people for a reason. Beautiful people leave an impact on the heart. Love you Felicia <3 So ready for this. Need to make a schedule for my blogging post haha! XD (the one that I'm so good at now) Well, I'll write to you soon! Happy Easter! ^^
I do want to share that, I can't get my head of the fact that I feel so strong that this move will make me feel so much happier. This is my opportunity, doors will open and adventures will arrive! I feel closer to everything that I wish to be closer and my life feels like it's going somewhere. I won't be stuck in Sweden feeling miserable but happy. There's nothing left for me in Sweden, there never was anything for me here. I've always felt that I was in the wrong place. I've never belonged here. Just running around in circles with no point, no going anywhere. I sure have met some amazing people down the road though. Witch I'm happy to have in my life, or in some cases that have taught me a lesson or helped me even though there not in my life anymore. They probably don't think that I feel that way but I do. I'm very thankful for all the people who have passed by my life. Thanks to them, I am who I am. Some people you might not have wanted to lose but, you learn and you heal. I really do wish them well, and some people I even stil love. (Because how can you stop loving someone who has been so special for you?)
So... with happiness in my heart, I'm planing my way to the dreams! Opportunities are on it's way. Gorgeous english accents are in it's way! Haha! xD I sure am practicing my british accent! ;D I think this will be good. God let you met people for a reason. Beautiful people leave an impact on the heart. Love you Felicia <3 So ready for this. Need to make a schedule for my blogging post haha! XD (the one that I'm so good at now) Well, I'll write to you soon! Happy Easter! ^^
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